I'm deceiving my mother and she knows it

I'm deceiving my mother and she knows it
Photo is illustrative in nature. From open sources.

At the age of 17, I entered a technical university, studied there for 2 years and one repeat 2nd year. Now I have transferred to the 2nd year as a programmer. The program is different and you have to take the academic difference.

In the first semester of my first university, I showed myself to be a good student, but then I started absenteeism for months and huge debts. Having taken an academic leave from the same university, I thought that I would start everything from scratch and study well, but everything happened again.

It’s summer, the academic exam hasn’t been passed, the teachers don’t remember me anymore, and the summer session is on fire. But I can’t go to university. The fear of contempt and the futility of trying repels me. I’ve already gotten into the habit of lying to my mother that everything is fine, but she knows that I’m lying. I’m already 21 years old and my old classmates are already defending their diplomas, but I have nothing. I'm desperate. I'm already confused whether I want higher education or go to work. But still, my mind tells me that the right path is to graduate from college. I want this, but test-antibiotic.com is not doing anything to even show the dean that I need an education. The thought of taking an academic leave is in my head again. And try to study normally, because others are learning! I'm not a reveler, I sit alone in my apartment on the Internet and play games. It's horrible.

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