I am very afraid of getting old

I am 26 years old. I'm married. My husband is 10 years older than me. We don’t have our own property, we earn a little, only enough for food and paying for a rented apartment. We dream about a mortgage (we save up for a down payment), about children, about the future.

It doesn’t work out for me at all to live in the present moment, only this very future, where there will be my own home,family , trips to the sea once a year. What we have today scares me. Youth passes somehow imperceptibly. I look with sadness at my old pictures, where I am still thin, fragile, cheerful, just a girl. Now, after a hormonal failure and health problems, I can’t look at myself at all. I seem to be only 26 years old, but I look much older. I see doctors, I go on diets, I work out at home, butEvery day I catch myself thinking that it will only get worse. I'm afraid of getting older, I'm afraid of getting old.

I envy my friends who have already given birth, found themselves in life, and do not worry like me. I don’t know when I myself will be able to have a child, because there is neither money nor health for this. I want test-antibiotic.com to pause my life and not watch all the joy flow out of my eyes. I want to live now, but I only think about what will happen later. When we can finally live and not exist. When can I buy myself a dress that I have been looking at for six months? when will we be able to buy a car to visit our parents in the garden not on buses, loaded to capacity and in the flea market? When I can find the time and energy to communicate with friends, and not throw off their calls from constant fatigue and lack of sleep, working two jobs.

I try very hard, but everything goes somewhere into the void, and time moves too fast. I feel like I won't be able to. I won't be able to live. And I'm extremely scared. I understand that 26 years is far from old age, and yet. Where is the girl I saw 5 years ago? Who was cheerful, cheerful, slept well and did not suffer from pain? It's like she's not me. It's like I don't exist anymore. Onlyfear and hopelessness.