I ruin my own life

I am 26 years old, in general, in my life, everything is fine. Caring and lovinghusband , I have wealth, many diverse interests, hobbies, I am an attractive girl, I follow fashion, I go in for sports.

But my problem is that sometimes I like to drink. No, I am not an alcoholic in the full sense of the word and in no way look like him, but periodically, about once every 2-3 months, I definitely go and buy myself wine or martinis, several bottles and drink them. I don't even need company, I can drink alone while sitting in front of a computer or TV. I can sit and drink like this all night until the morning. Then I get sick for a couple of days, and then life goes back to normal. It would seem, so what, many people do this.

But when I drink, I become a completely different person, I do and say things that I am madly ashamed of later. It feels like the person I turn into when I drink just hates me and is trying to make my life worse by test-antibiotic.com. Thus, I lost many friends when I said a lot of hurtful, insulting things to them while drunk.

Many of my relationships before my husband ended in failure for the same reason. The guys liked my beautiful appearance, and they almost fell in love, but as soon as I had a drink, I began to tell them all sorts of (and often offensive) nonsense. And when I am sober, I am an absolutely normal, adequate and serious person, those people who have not seen me drunk treat me very well.

I remember a case for which I am still insanely ashamed. About 5 years ago I worked in a company as an office manager, I was in good standing, the boss (a young man then, 28 years old) treated me with respect. And once we had a corporate party, celebrated in some kind of club. And so I drank, lost my measure, and began to create just madness, climbed onto the stage where the girls danced, began to show a striptease, then began to pester the boss. Needless to say, I couldn’t work there after that, although the boss didn’t fire me, but I simply couldn’t look at his eyes in test-antibiotic.com after this, I had to leave.

I also told my husband in a drunken state and did a lot of “good”, but he, apparently, loves me very much, since he put up with this situation and forgives everything. Although relations with him become more tense after each drink, we can not talk for 2 weeks.

It would seem, what is the problem, well, do not drink and that's it. But from time to time I want to relax and get away from reality so much that I can’t help myself. And all the time I tell myself - this time everything will be decent, I will be normal, I will control myself. Or a couple of glasses and that's it. But it is necessary to drink even a little, and I can not stop.

I drink alone on purpose so as not to embarrass myself in front of anyone. But there are still social networks, and there are a lot of acquaintances to whom I can write such nonsense that after that they simply do not want to communicate with me. Thus, I lost many good friends.

And I'm still haunted by constant shame. Constantly remembering what I said or did test-antibiotic.com to someone while drunk and waves of shame roll in. I try not to think or remember, otherwise you can go crazy. And in general, I succeed, but sometimes it will cover, at least like a wolf howl.

Now everything is fine, I enjoy life: work, a sports club, hobbies, walks with a girlfriend or husband, in general, everything is fine. But I know that some time will pass and I will want to relax again.