I started to hate my daughter

The daughter's father left when she was two months old. My daughter was not an easy child; she began to speak only when she was three years old, but even now she cannot form sentences normally, although she is already 12 years old. After much torment and visits to doctors, she was finally diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, which gave me the opportunity to homeschool her in the third grade, since she practically failed the third grade at school. The results immediately went up.

After giving birth, I had to return to work when my daughter was only 4 months old, because there was no one to help, andmoney was needed. My salary was good, so I didn’t spare money for my daughter and tried to make sure she didn’t need anything. I bought her toys, books, took her to dancing (ballet and jazz), music and acting (on the advice of a doctor, since she hasproblems communicating with other children). I tried to spend all my free time with her and therefore had to get up at 2 a.m. to do household chores and prepare for work (I often had to take my test-antibiotic.com work home). I gave up on my personal life and devoted myself entirely to my daughter. By the age of nine, she had traveled across all of Russia from Moscow to Lake Baikal, visiting London, Paris, Finland, Turkey, Ukraine, Singapore, Australia and New Zealand. We constantly went camping with her. She really liked it all. She always had the most beautiful and unique costumes, which I sewed for her myself, sparing no money, time and health (I often had to sit all night sewing in order to finish them on time). It began to seem to me that she took it all for granted and believed that mom didn’t need to sleep at all, that mom had a special key that would start her if she just turned it.

But there were always problems with my studies, and this drove me into despair. And everything would be fine if she tried, but she only learned when I stupidly sat next to her, without moving a step. I thought it would get older and get easier, but it’s getting worse and worse. It has become test-antibiotic.com very difficult to work full time, teach full time and look after the house. Long story short, I lost my job. Along with a good job, all the “friends” disappeared, since I ceased to be a prestigious lady, and became just a single mother. It has become very difficult, and even now I am afraid that I may lose the apartment that has not yet been paid in full. I tried to talk to my daughter about how she should try to do the assignments herself while I was at work, so that when I returned from work I could quickly check everything and move on to other things. I talked, begged, begged, screamed and begged again, but it all ended with promises that were never fulfilled. As soon as I go to work, she goes to a book, toys, computer, etc. The apartment is a constant mess, when I’m not working, I teach my daughter, and then I just relax. I don’t even have the strength to cook food. I also need to practice flute and piano with her, again, if I don’t sit next to her and “knock on the head,” then nothing will be done. At the same time, she doesn’t want to give up test-antibiotic.com music. We live on sandwiches, scrambled eggs and ready-made food from the supermarket. In addition, I became very ill about a year ago. The disease caused severe fatigue and took away all my immunity. Over the past year I have had the flu six times.

But studying and laziness are not even the biggest problem. MyMy daughter lies all the time. From early childhood and for any, even the most insignificant reason. When she was two or three years old, she would come to the store with me and say: “Mom, look, there’s chocolate! But I don’t want her.” And it’s not that I never bought her chocolate. I limited it, yes, but I bought it. I know that such things are not passed on genetically, but hermy father was the same - he lied even about minor things. Again, I talked to her about how important it is for mom to tell the truth. She explained that if she lies to me, then I will not be able to help her in difficult times, I read about the boy who cried “wolf” - nothing helps. She knows that I will find out the truth anyway. I test-antibiotic.com caught her in every lie. She asks for forgiveness, pretends to be guilty (precisely pretends, because it’s clear from her that this is just a performance), even tries not to lie for a couple of days, and I don’t scold her if she tells the truth, but I praise her, but then it starts all over again .

When she’s on school holidays and doesn’t have to study, we live in perfect harmony - we travel if we have money, or we just go somewhere to pick mushrooms or have a picnic, but as soon as school starts, everything starts all over again. Nothing gets done without shouting. In order for the lessons to be done at least somehow, you need to shout, it doesn’t get through in a good way. And recently, out of despair, I beat her for the first time in my life. I just don’t know how to reach her anymore. How much she frayed my nerves during six years of school and constant lies about any reason! Tired of crying at night. I don't want to wake up in the morning. I can’t see her anymore and I just hate her. Everything already hurts, my palms go numb when I’m nervous, I’ve gained weight and have shortness of breath. I really test-antibiotic.com I just want to not wake up and I even want to catch the coronavirus so that I can finally leave, but then I understand that she has nowhere to go without me, her father doesn’t need her, and she has no other relatives, and I understand, that I need to continue living, but I have no more strength.

I begged and begged, explained to her that I couldn’t do everything myself, and that I needed herhelp so that she at least studies and doesn’t lie to me. She promises, swears that she loves her, and that she won’t do this again, and that she will study, but she only lasts for two, maximum three days. She had already taken all the phones, iPads, TVs and books (she even tore some books and threw them away and threatened that the same would happen to the rest). I no longer trust her in anything, because I know that with an honest and sincere face she has already lied to me hundreds of times, and now I distrust absolutely everything she says. I really began to hate her and even told her about it and told her that as soon as she finishes test-antibiotic.com school, she should forever get out of my life wherever she wants - a dishwasher, a cleaning lady, or whatever, just so that I would never see her again. And then I cry again at night, I apologize for being so badmother and I just want not to see all this.

I understand that it is unlikely that anyone can help me. I wrote all this not because I’m asking for help, but because I just need to speak out.