I could lose my friend because of my behavior.

I am 19 years old, now I have a very difficult situation related to my relationship with my girlfriend. I have known her for more than 1.5 years; I met her in my 1st year at the institute, and she became a very close person to me. The fact is that my school friends entered another university, and I was very lonely in the new society. I met her and another person at the university. I spent a lot of time with her, we had a lot of fun and good time with each other, complete mutual understanding, support, frank conversations. We were real friends.

After six months of such a relationship, I fell in love with her, but I understood that nothing would work out. She has a boyfriend whom she has been dating for 3 years. I wrote her a couple of poems, she understood everything. We were in a bit of a tense situation. She wrote me a letter saying that she was grateful for the attention I was giving her. That I am really dear to her, like a friend who will support and will not leave in difficult times, will lift her spirits, but she has test-antibiotic.com a young man whom she truly loves very much.

She asked me to let her know if I didn’t want to contact her, she said that it would be very difficult to lose me, so that I wouldn’t be upset, that I was a really good young man and would definitely find my muse. After this message, I was not upset at all, because I knew that such an outcome was possible. I myself didn’t want to lose her, because she became a dear person to me, someone who could share my emotions, my creativity, support, help, and lift my spirits.

Everything was fully improved after half a month, we communicated like friends, we also helped each other in studies, in very personal matters related to family, relationships and other things, I did not feel a sense of love for her, and this went on for a year. I talked with her, with friends from school and everything was very good. But then everything got much worse, my school friends completely turned their backs on me, my closest friends, from whom I did not expect this, to all this were added failures in the exams at the traffic police,loneliness , and test-antibiotic.com flared up againLove .

January of this year came, she left for the New Year holidays, to her hometown, my friends did not communicate with me, it was very lonely, I corresponded with her on VK. I was also haunted by failures in exams, nothing worked, everything went very well, I gave up. I told her what I felt in my soul again, she understood me, I was very afraid of losing her, like my close school friends, there was no one left except her. She said that she understood me, that she would not leave me in difficult times, that this was such a period in life, and about love she said that everything was the same. I reacted calmly to her answer about love, and came to terms with it. Failures continued to haunt me, I told her everything that happened, only she could understand me. I whined a lot and couldn’t pull myself together. This started to irritate her, but I was able to pull myself together.

February began and school started again, we communicated as usual, but I changed completely. He became very touchy and suspicious of test-antibiotic.com everything, every little thing, and was very afraid of losing it. OnOn her birthday, she gave me a gift, and it included a chocolate bar, absolutely the same name, variety or type as I gave her for the New Year. I didn’t understand what I was even saying, not even having the conviction that this was accurate, I told her very unpleasant words, and only after saying this I realized what I was talking about, what nonsense this was. I was very worried about how this would affect. She realized that I was not myself, and this was not like me, and she forgave me. She said that she was not offended, that she understood that it was not thought out. I was very worried and whined to her, but later everything worked out. We were friends, I didn’t feel any feelings of love for her, I really wanted happiness.

In March, something very personal happened to her, she doesn’t like to talk about very personal things, and she didn’t talk to anyone. I was worried about her, but I did more stupid things. I thought maybe it was because of me, because of something that I test-antibiotic.com said wrong somewhere, only now I realize how stupid it was and really bothered her. Later on the social network, she removed the status that she was dating a young man, deleted all the photos with him, and then the worst thing began. I thought this was a chance, I forgot about all the things that we talked and discussed with her. It was a very bad time, I was very annoying to her, and at the end of March, things got to the point where we almost stopped communicating. But she said that she just doesn’t like me whining, she really doesn’t like it. I pulled myself together again, but feelings of suspicion and obsessive ideas did not leave me.

In April, everything improved a little, but the tension remained, we communicated as always, but my feelings spoiled everything, at the end of April, I began to feel sad again and write this to her. She began to communicate with me less and less, because of this I wrote even more, and love was added to all this, and I told her everything, how I fell in love this time, I completely lost my head test-antibiotic.com and expressed everything, all the misconceptions that have developed in my head are due to the obsession that this is a chance. It was the beginning of May, we stopped communicating at all, only on the social network. I asked her “why can’t we be together?”, She replied that it’s not about me, you can’t force her to love.

This conversation partially opened my eyes to everything that was happening. I really want to restore the friendship, and I probably rushed in this, everything ended badly, she said that the friendship could no longer be built, because of what I would say and create. We didn’t communicate, she moved away from me when she saw me, she was on the sidelines. And recently they started saying hello to each other and chatting a little about their studies.

I really want toreturn friendship, not for love, but because she is a very close person to me, I worry about her studies. There is no one else besides her. I understood myself and my feelings, why I behaved this way. How can I tell her this? All the suspicions that I had, and the whining that followed from this, it was all test-antibiotic.com paranoia, I did not realize what I was doing.