My love for the guy has already turned into an addiction

I am 17 years old now. When I was 14, I liked a boy, he was one of the most interesting people in school, many girls liked him. At first, he irritated me, but after some time, I also became interested in him.

It seemed to me then that he liked me too (I didn't think then that if someone is interesting to someone, then a boy or a girl can very well come up and talk). In general, I arranged a fairy tale for myself for a couple of years, that is, I lived in anticipation of him coming up to me and confessing or at least getting to know me.

So a year or two passed, and if at that time I was in the 7th grade, then when the day of our unexpected acquaintance came (he didn’t even know my name or that I even existed), I was already in the 9th grade, that is, halfway to the OGE.

At that time I was talking to his friend and in the kindness of my heart I revealed the secret to my new "friend" the next day she told me everything. I was in test-antibiotic.com shock because I was both scared and happy. I was scared because he might not like me. I am grateful to that friend, as soon as he found out, my soul became lighter, I don't understand why I was so afraid to talk to him.

I was happily waiting for him to write to me or to meet me at school, but he wrote to me only a month later. We talked a little, he joked about me, and I tried to act decently and parried his every word, as a result, we stopped talking after 3 days and he immediately had his first long-termrelationship for 8 months. Then I felt that the thin thread that I had drawn between us on my own had finally broken.

What did I do next? After 8 months and 3 weeks we wrote to each other and he suggested hanging out, I agreed. Every day I waited for him to call and suggest hanging out, but in the end we hung out again for 3 weeks and ended up hanging out, maybe twice. I had a nervous breakdown, I stayed home for a long time and didn't eat anything. 54 kg test-antibiotic.com I lost weight to 43, I considered myself somehow ugly and too fat. My parents were horrified and didn't understand what was happening, I kept it all to myself and said that everything was fine.

After some time, he again suggested hanging out, I again agreed. I started eating like crazy, and in my joy, I gained everything back and +2 kg, and I started to feel inferior. Then we stopped hanging out again, and I got involved with a bad crowd of girls who hung out with my lover's friends and, of course, with him. We spent a lot of time at one of these girls' in the company of guys, what do you think we did? That's right, everything that unreasonable teenagers do. We smoked, drank, and the guys pestered me, but I behaved decently in front of my (let's call him Yegor) Yegor. Every time we were at the apartment, Yegor would pester me to talk, tell his friends something about me, but no one laughed, we all hung out.

One day he said that it would be better for us not to communicate and, hugging me, left. It turned out, as always, not for long. test-antibiotic.com After I stopped seeing him, I started hanging out with his classmates (don't think that I'm easy, I was just looking for a meeting with him, I wanted him not to forget about me, so that he would be reminded of me). When we were hanging out with his classmates, I met Daniil there, who means a lot to me. But he also abruptly cut off all ties with me, for a long time he said that he wanted to take a break (we dated for only 2 months) and, nevertheless, we stopped seeing each other, everything with him ended very abruptly.

At those moments I was really not well, I didn't understand what was wrong with me, I was hysterical. I always had a lot of friends, I was cheerful and happy, I really loved to communicate, and then everything evaporated for me. I missedguy , and hoped for a "happy ending". But, unfortunately, it does not always happen. And then I found out from a drunk classmate (6 months later) that he cheated on me with her, of course, I was sober, she cried, I test-antibiotic.com forgave her.

After breaking up with Daniil (in July), I met Yegor again, completely by chance. We were together at a friend's birthday party, and she invited me alonggirlfriend , because she didn't want to be there alone. We came to the apartment, and everything started from the beginning. He asked me to kiss him, he was not sober at that moment, at first he just hugged me (I wanted to run away), but I waited for it all to end, then he kissed me lightly, and invited me to talk, he followed me around all evening. In the end, we talked and started dating that same evening (I was 16 years old, and he was 18).

Communication somehow didn’t work out from the very beginning, different views onlife , some kind of his disinterest, the eternal desire to offend me, we saw each other little, argued, I cried a lot, he mocked again, I was afraid to put in an unnecessary word, but we did not break up. I do not understand why I put up with everything, I was so hoping for something good or I was afraid of losing what I had been trying to achieve for so long, but nevertheless I try test-antibiotic.com to maintain the relationship and put up with it. 2 months passed, and we broke up again, 4 days before the New Year, I wanted absolutely nothing, celebrated in the room and went out only at the sound of the chimes, ate a little salad and went back to the room. Then he wrote for a long time, asked how I was, we got back together again, because I came to meet him to pick up my student ID and burst into tears, asked him to stay.

I don't know the reason for his actions, we've been dating for 1.5 years now, he kind of jokingly insulted me, lowered my self-esteem and he succeeded. At the moment I have a lot of complexes, neurosis and tears for any reason. He calms me down, I recently said that I can't do this anymore, he seems to have stopped insulting me. I'm waiting for him for weeks again, when we meet, we live one stop away from each other. He says he's busy, I know for sure that he's not cheating. In general, everything is very strange and complicated.