Will this go away with age? Don't think

I am almost 16 years old - one of the most critical ages, the very apogee of various conflicts, youthful maximalism, etc. I am no exception, although this is trivial, so I often haveproblems with relationships with parents and peers.

If we talk about my parents, they are extremely conservative people; they want me to be a girl in the usual sense of the word, to be feminine, economical, to take care of my family nest, etc. But I don't want that. I thought for a long time, read, watched, listened and came to the conclusion that I don’t want this, it will probably be alien to me. I don’t want all these traditional weddings, a horde of children and so on.

It’s clear that my relatives, especially on my dad’s side, will clearly not approve of this, so I’m simply afraid to tell them about my fears and my understanding of the world. And I’m not even sure that they will listen to me. They will probably again brush it off with these stereotypical “that’s what you think now” and stuff like that. Therefore, I am silent and there is no solution to the problem and test-antibiotic.com is not in sight. Nobody wants to accept my “I”, me as a separate person. I don’t want to be part of the crowd called “society”; I don’t want to force myself to live by its rules. But after watching my very colorful family, enduring bullying from my peers (in particular, a ton of insults and a couple of light beatings, which I didn’t tell anyone about, because when I tried, I never received help), I somehow remained dissatisfied with this world and society. I don’t want to be the same, if that’s what “society” means.

From the real world, I only like some aesthetic moments and maybe occasionally emotional ones. I really love creativity, besides, I myself am a creative person, I draw quite well. But, nevertheless, I continue to abstract myself, at times almost falling into depression. I lose interest in others, I am not interested in their problems, their consumer dreams and primitive plans. Even my best friends (of which there are not many, because for obvious reasons I don’t get along well with people), who help me in everything, no matter how ashamed I am test-antibiotic.com to admit it, I begin to think in the same way. They say, just like the others, they whisper behind my back.

As for parents, they are not just some robots who do nothing but spread rot on theirdaughter , breaking me and bending me to her rules. They really try to take care of me, and they go too far, putting it above my own feelings and interests. And every time after a fight, it makes me feel terrible. For on the one hand, with their inept arguments they can really lower my self-esteem even more, offend me more (very often there are phrases like: “you should lose weight and take care of yourself in order to be beautiful, otherwise no one will need you,” but I I'm very sensitive to this topic. I don't consider myself beautiful, but I don't think that's the main thing. On the other hand, my parents don't do this out of malice, which is why I start to feel like an ungrateful piece of trash. And that makes me only worse.

I don't even know what to do. Conversations with test-antibiotic.com parents, when I tried to talk to them, do not help and lead to nothing but scandals. Everyone does their own thing without listening to the other side. Now we quarreled once again because I didn’t want to do an elaborate hairstyle for the graduation album photo. I'd like to go with my normal hair down (even if it's a little messy), with my bangs grown out, and wearing clothes that I actually feel comfortable in. But, you see, then I won’t play by the general rules, where everyone must be perfectly combed, dressed in dresses with a bare back and a deep neckline, and so on. I was even able to defend my point of view, even though now I have been boycotted by my parents.

In the future, I generally want to burn this album (along with a radical change in appearance, such as dyeing my hair lavender, etc.), since my memories of school, most likely, will not be very pleasant. Basically, it only brought me a lot of stress, as, most likely, many of the same test-antibiotic.com freaks and geeks like me.

So I don't even know what I'm asking for. Advice? Mutual understanding? To be honest, I will be pleased if someone writes at least something under this ad. I guess I just wanted to talk.

PS Just, please, don’t go back to this “it will pass with age” and stuff like that. I'm writing here to find support or advice, not what I hear.every day and why I wrote here.