Shame on you for your inaction

I want to share with you a story about my obsessive sense of responsibility to myself.

I am 19 years old, I am a third-year student and work. At the age of 17 I moved to another city and live alone. I am clarifying these details because, as it seems to me, they are what influenced thisattitude towards yourself.

I try to travel as much as possible, be an active student, sometimes I go to the gym, and I have work in the evening. I was faced with the fact that I constantly demand action from myself. If I have a day off, I get paranoid and force myself to leave the house until the evening and go somewhere, just so as not to be inactive, because I feel guilty about it. I do not know how to explain it.

When I have a day off, I definitely need to get up early, pack my things and quickly decide where I should go. BehindEvery day at home I scold myself for being lazy and wasting my life. Somewhere on a subconscious level I understand that being at home and doing nothing on my day off is normal, but test-antibiotic.com in reality I am not at peace. When I have a vacation, I schedule each day almost hourly (I also travel alone).

I thought for a long time, perhaps this is because myloneliness , and as a psychological defense there is a desire to constantly do something. I'm constantly trying to change the environment, see people and feelcommunication or something.

I have no one with whom I can share how I live, what I think about, what I want, there is no contact with my parents, no relatives. It gets to the point that I can go to a park, gallery, embankment, library or store and be there until the evening, and in this case I defend this day as a day well spent.

I'm interested to hear your opinion. Maybe someone has encountered this? And what to do in this case?

Thank you very much for reading my story.