I loved him, and he has a child from another

I will share my story of love and hate. I was 20 years old, he was 26 when we met. He was exactly the way I imagined him - strong, brave, tall, an athlete.

The first year, we just met, skated, I didn’t let me get close, I’m a rather cold person, a little closed (probably this brought us together, he was the same).

I am a student, he has his own business and, accordingly, constantly traveling. We used to see each other only twice a month. I didn’t pretend for more then, since we didn’t have anything yet, and we just talked. Naturally, he was always the initiator, and I loved getting messages about how much he misses me.

He was the first to start talking about children together, about living together, but we did not move from talking. A year later, our relationship became closer and I began to feel, so to speak, power. I began to control, check, wind myself up and present my suspicions to him. They appeared after my girlfriends, sitting at the table, said that he was 100% cheating on me test-antibiotic.com, because he was older than me and was constantly traveling.

I began to wind myself up, to the point thatEvery day I wrote to him about treason. Although I had no evidence, I was just haunted by this thought. I wrote to him from new pages to check (the most interesting thing is that he did the same, checked me, but still denies it). And in a few months of such claims, he began to move away (now I understand that it is my own fault, who will like this). One fine day, he answers my message: "do not write here, there is nothing else." I tried to get an answer, an explanation, I went crazy, I wrote to nothing for 2 months, he no longer answered messages.

Six months passed, I began to live my life, a new relationship began, but I did not forget him, I wrote a message. We met, talked, I thought we could renew our relationship, but I find out that at the time when we were arguing, he cheated on me, and that girl was expecting a child from him (I didn’t find out from him). To say that I was shocked would be an understatement, my test-antibiotic.com soul died. I could not believe how he could do this, he hid, said that this was not his child, but I knew the whole truth. Naturally, we cut off communication.

How it hurt me. I lived in prostration, I did not want anything. Over time, I learned to live in a new way, and everything got better, I traveled, worked and lived without nerves. And then November 2019 (a year has passed since the last meeting) and he writes me a message. We saw each other, he asked for forgiveness, said that it so happened that he did not live with her, we began to see each other more often, relations began again, it happened that she reminded him of what had happened, cursed, but continued to see each other.

So another year passed. Then again there was a bigquarrel , and we did not communicate for 3 months. Then I was the first to offer to make peace, I wrote to him (January 2021), I could not let him go and our relationship began 3 times. Neither I nor he could let go of each other, but both understood that nothing good would happen, we have a huge passion for each other, but test-antibiotic.com we are like a cat with a dog. I love him and I think he loves me too. But I couldn’t forgive what he did, he said: “if you can’t accept, let go, and if you accepted, don’t stutter about it.” But I couldn't, and we stopped talking again.

I do not know what to do. I feel bad with him and without him.