I'm afraid of betrayal, so I don't trust anyone

I'm 16, I don't trust anyone, not even myself. I try to fix it, but it doesn't work. I am a closed person, I have no friends, although I have a lot of acquaintances.

I'm very lonely. But I try not to show it to anyone. I try to be indifferent, sometimes angry. That's why I like to cry at home, while no one is watching. I want someone to believe in me, except for my mother. Because I'm tired of hearing constant criticism addressed to me, I want the usual praise, I'm tired of complimenting myself. That year, I met a guy online. He was the only person I could trust. My behavior has changed. I was joyful with him, writing things that I never wrote to anyone, I tried to be nice. Well, he insulted me, which hurt me, sometimes ignored me, called me boring and annoying. But I pretended I didn't care. Then we became friends. He wrote that he liked me, and I thought it was all nonsense. He was the only person with whom I communicated almostevery day during test-antibiotic.com 6 months! In the end, I wrote that I was tired of him, although this is not true. I was afraid that he would leave me. All this "communication" is an illusion, because in life, I am downtrodden, and he will be disappointed. We stopped talking six months ago, but I still remember him.

Maybe I'm bored. But I don't think he misses me. He is so cool, he has a lot of girls like me. I want to return it with my heart, but I will not do this. In my life, it seems that everyone is leaving each other. My father left my mother and she was very depressed. I did not have permanent tutors, teachers. The good ones got drunk, died, quit, and the evil ones remained, but I already left them. I try not to get used to anyone. And because of this, I lose a lot. How to get rid of the obsessive thought that everyone wants to betray each other and leave?