I can't say goodbye

I had both meetings and separations. I parted with some easily, with others more difficult, but I never brought anyone closer to my heart, there was always a distance, maybe that’s why it became easier and easier. I was sure that I was incapable of love. I saw flaws in every person and this either irritated me or simply repelled me.

And a year ago I met him. At our first meeting, he said that he was married, that grief happened in the family six months ago, he diedchild . We talked for a long time, me in the role of a vest or a psychologist. He said that he had no family as such for a long time, that he was thinking about divorce, and that he and his wife lived like neighbors. I immediately outlined the boundaries of our communication - friendly, nothing more.

Time passed, he continued to write, call, we met, spent time together. One day he said that he only wanted to be with me, to which I told him that I wouldn’t be my mistress, decideThen we’ll talk about the issue in the family. He decided in his own way, came with his things, said that he was staying and that he was divorcing his wife. The wife , as he said, is ondivorce test-antibiotic.com agrees, but at the same time told him that she will not give him a divorce, and according to the law they can divorce no earlier than a year after the death of the child.

And so we lived, I must say, he left me more than once, but usually no more than three weeks. I took him back because I couldn’t imagine life without him. Moreover, we never quarreled, that only God knows tormented him, he said that he was not ready for a new family, but at the same time he returned again and again. When nothing exists together, it’s good to just sit next to each other and be silent, we understand each other without words. We often talked to him that our meeting was a miracle, signs that accompany us. He constantly told me: “finally you have been found, I have been looking for you for so long, I asked God for you.”

I knew his friends. My parents were aware of our relationship and often told him that it was time to get acquainted. The relationship reached the level that he started talking about family, children, said that he wanted us to get married, and soon I gave birth to his child. We dreamed about how we would live, chose names for our children. The court gave him and his wife a month to reconcile. He said that we would go to celebrate this event. There were days left before this event.

He called in the evening and said that he had decided to return to his wife. I'm in shock, stupor. They say time heals. Time passes, and it only gets worse for me. I am trying to understand. And the thoughts are different, that he just used me, I don’t mean anything to him, since I pushed him away so easily. Love him. What should I do?