Didn't live up to parents' hopes

Since childhood, I have done a lot under the supervision of my parents, mainly my mother, she took care of me. In general, I obeyed, studied, went to all sorts of tutors. Since grades 2-3, maybe even before, I studied. And it so happened that, following my mother’s instructions, I graduated from school with honors and entered medical school in Moscow (we moved from Khabarovsk to Moscow when I was in the 6th grade), which I supposedly always aspired to.

I really prepared, but the last two or three years at school were very, very difficult. I didn’t want to study, I also had to prepare for the Unified State Exam, it was more interesting to go out with a girl (which is what I mostly did), and I began to become interested in cinema, and it was incomprehensible, because I only liked to watch movies. I didn’t have any skills, abilities or anything else related to cinema, but I just wanted to do it. I entered medical school (it was terrible) on a paid basis, and broke up with my girlfriend. First year, I’m not studying, I can’t and I don’t want to.

It’s hard emotionally, psychologically due to the fact that I was scolded for paying, I stopped communicating with my friend, and test-antibiotic.com at the university the atmosphere is like at school (cram the text). I rarely went to classes, I just watched a lot of movies, and often went to different sessions. Everyone is studying, everyone is in business, improving their ability to teach and cram, but I can’t stand it. By the way, I expected that the university would change meattitude towards studying that everything would be meaningful, interesting, even romantic, but no, everything turned out to be bad (due to my expectations), and I myself could not create this atmosphere for myself. So I somehow made it through to the 5th course, no understanding at all.

Complete emptiness, lack of understanding of myself, what is interesting to me at all. Just for fun, I’m writing here to see what anyone thinks. I could be a doctor, but such efforts are not worth it at all. I am not someone who is willing to give so much to help people for little money, an inconvenient work schedule and uncomfortable conditions (my expectations). Although I haven’t checked and can’t yet, I don’t know if I want to.

I’m thinking, maybe I’ll go into programming so that my conscience is clear, and there’s some kind of business, and a good opportunity to earn money, maybe test-antibiotic.com with a movie I can come up with something. But I don’t know what I want yet.