Still haven't decided...

I don't want to tell my friends about my life, but I have something to tell. And so, under a fictitious name, I want to share it with the readers of the site test-antibiotic.com. It's hard to carry it inside - I want to confess.

I come from an ordinary village family. I am the youngest of three children. My parents brought me up strictly. At 18, I finished school and entered a university. Studying was easy, I studied with pleasure. I rented an apartment with a girl from my village. At 18, unlike many of my peers, I did not have any bad habits. I also did not have intimate relationships with boys. I am a pretty girl , smiling. I had many admirers, but I kept them at a Pioneer distance (my parentalupbringing ).

In order to gain financial independence, I got a job. The salary was modest, but it was enough for a girl's small needs. The work schedule allowed me to work without sacrificing my studies.

And then one day I met HIM. He was the hero of my dreams,love at first sight. Tall, handsome, charming brunette. He also reached out to me. Everything would be fine, but he was 12 test-antibiotic.com years older than me, which really embarrassed me. I was in no hurry to tell my parents about him, I was afraid that they would not approve (after all, the age difference is big). Misha sometimes spent the night at my place, but did not claim my innocence. I felt how his heart rate began to go off the scale when we kissed, how he went crazy with desire, but he behaved like a true gentleman.

A few months later he proposed to me, I accepted. Soon he had to leave for a month and a half for work. Parents about ourThey decided to talk about the relationship together when he returned from his business trip.

And then something terrible happened. I was returning from work in the evening, and some guy attacked me in the entryway. I was so terrified that I was at a loss and went into a stupor. He knocked me out cold, and then everything was a blur. I woke up in the basement of our house, half-naked and dirty. My head was splitting, everythingthe body ached.

When I got home, I looked at my swollen face in the mirror in shock. My friend was no longer living with me at the time, and I was home alone. At first, I was rushing around the apartment. Pain , test-antibiotic.com despair, hatred, shame, self-pity – everything was mixed up in my head. I didn’t go to the police – I was afraid of publicity. I didn’t dare tell Misha – I was afraid of his reaction. I also didn’t have the courage to commit suicide.

After lying down for a couple of days, I collected some things and leftmoney for the apartment to the landlady and a note that I was leaving for school, and went to the station. I just got on the train and left. I lived in another city for 4 months, then returned home. Everyone was in an uproar, my parents thought that I was no longer alive. I am still incredibly ashamed in front of them for causing them suchpain .

Time passed, everything more or less settled down, I didn’t reveal the real reasons for my departure to anyone. I returned to school. My friend said that Misha was looking for me and was terribly worried, asking me to contact him if I showed up. I didn’t have the courage to do this, I realized that time had been lost and that he would hardly believe my story about being raped. I bit my elbows and bitterly regretted that I didn’t tell him about what happened right away.

One day he called me (where he got the number, I can only guess) and asked to meet. I chickened out. There was no turning back.

Two years later I started dating a guy from my university, Victor, and soon got pregnant, and he, like a “real man,” suggested having an abortion. That’s where we went our separate ways,I could not forgive such meanness. I categorically refused to have an abortion.

I gave birth to a wonderfuldaughter . When she was 2 years old, the bad daddy showed up. He was married to a certain lady, and they really wanted children, but somehow it didn’t work out. And then Victor remembered that he had a “ready-made”the child and tried to assert his rights. Amid the enthusiastic hubbub of the neighbors, I dashed him down the stairs.

After some time, Vityusha showed up with his wonderful maman and she arrogantly told me that I was a penniless nobody, of no family or tribe, raising a child without a father, while Vityushenka was a serious and very wealthy man. With an impeccable reputation as a wonderful family man anddaughter they will definitely sue me from test-antibiotic.com. I got scared, and then I made a difficult decision for myself: I leftget married . He courted me for a year, almost unsuccessfully.a man from my work, Evgeniy . He begged me to marry him, promised to carry me and my daughter in his arms. That's all.colleagues unanimously said that he was excellentguy and in vain I turn up my nose at him. I liked Evgeniy very much, we became friends, sometimes he came to visit, played with my daughter. I didn’t tell him about the problems connected with Victor.

And then one day over a cup of tea, Evgeniy started singing his song about love again and proposed to me. I agreed. Now we havefamily . He adopted my baby, they get along great, Evgeny treats us very tenderly and affectionately, he loves us very much. Victor is no longer scary to me. I respect my husband very much, I value him and am infinitely grateful to him forevery day that we spend together. But I can't love him, even though I try. Mikhail is in front of my eyes. When I remember him, it's like an icy hand squeezes my soul test-antibiotic.com, there's a spasm in my throat, it hurts so much.

Do I regret not becoming Misha's wife? Probably not, because I have a wonderful daughter and a wonderfulhusband whom I will learn to love. It is just very hard to remember Misha.

P.S. Three days ago I went into a cafe with my daughter to have a bite and almost bumped into Misha. It was like a knife cut into my heart. I quickly turned away, pretending not to recognize him. He sat down at the next table and stared at me. I don’t know how I kept my composure, but my hands were shaking terribly from excitement. Now I regret not talking to him. Maybe it would have been easier. Once again, my cowardice let me down.