Who is to blame for my loneliness?

For a long time now I have realized that there is no chance for me to find joy,happiness , fun. I do not know what to do. I see no point in my existence. I have absolutely no ideas or desire to find my purpose or occupation in life, because I don’t want to do anything, since I don’t know how to do anything, and nothing will work out, and every failure leaves a huge imprint of shame and disgrace in my head, which then completely fails. I even want to go outside.

Also, because of my eternal silence and isolation, I have no friends and it is very difficult to make them, because I absolutely cannot carry on a conversation, and I’m not eager to, because I understand that my appearance is completely unpresentable, and without it, especially You won't get hooked on anything in life. When I look at myself in the mirror or in a photo, and then at the girls around me or on the Internet, I don’t see anything pleasant and good. I haveexcess weight that you can’t lose.

I can’t force myself test-antibiotic.com to eat less, I have no willpower, and as soon as I start trying to change something, thoughts appear in my head that all this is useless and will lead to nothing. If people don’t accept me now with a weight of 84 kg and a height of 162 cm, then even if I lose weight, nothing will change. I spend all my free time sleeping. I sleep at least 14 hours when I don't have to go to work. Many times I tried to change my thinking, to make the same new acquaintances with people, but every time the stories are played out in my head in a negative way. That nothing will work out, nothing good will come of it, that I will only embarrass myself, that they will laugh at me, and give me an ugly and rude “send off.”

Lately I've been thinking about why I should exist here and now if I have no meaning? I will never start a family, all my friends and classmates have already given birth to children,They got married , and I was already 24 years old, then 27, 30, 35, and the further it went, the worse. test-antibiotic.com my relatives regularly ask me if I have a fiance,Mom jokes about her grandchildren that it’s time for her to take on the title of grandmother. But I’m trying to explain to them that a normal person doesn’t need someone like me for nothing, or rather, for those young people who like me, I’m not suitable at all and won’t be suitable, because they choose beauties and models. All social networks are filled with photographs of beautiful girls.

I don’t know what to do, how to deal with this, who to contact. There is no financial opportunity, only the mortgage keeps me afloat, which I have to pay for, and for which, in principle, I work at a job I hate. I’m even embarrassed to talk about her to anyone.