I'm not happy with my friendship with the person I love

I'm not happy with my friendship with the person I love
Photo is illustrative in nature. From open sources.

I am 19 years old. The fact is that for the past 5 years I have not been able to get rid of my feelings for the same person. This feeling is reallove , which we all read about in novels.

I want to look at him, my heart skips a beat just from his glance, random touches make me shiver, and most importantly, I don’t understand at all why exactly he makes me feel so much.

I fell in love with him back in 8th grade, now I’m finishing my first year at university. We have always been friends since we are in the same school group. In 9th grade, he said that he was in love with me and showed signs of attention. I was 15 years old and I was happy when he gave me hope that we would be together. It seemed that a strong and pure feeling could grow from our friendship. However, in the summer he stopped communicating with me, and later I realized thatHe just doesn't need a relationship .

I cried and worried, but I invited him test-antibiotic.com to remain friends, for which he thanked me. Since then, we have been truly wonderful friends: we still meet in company, share life’s problems, and help each other. More than once he told me how glad he was that we still communicate. For 2 years now I have been dating another person, he loves me with all his heart, and I love him too, but this love is a completely different feeling. It is incredibly warm, clean, when I think about my current boyfriend, I remember how he hugs me, I understand that I am grateful to him for 2 happy and calm years in my life and I hope that it will continue to be so.

We have a wonderful relationship, he often talks about the future, I understand the seriousness of his intentions. But every time I meet my friend, so to speak, it becomes difficult for me. I feel like a traitor because I can't deny that I feel something for him. And I can’t get rid of this feeling, no matter how much I convince myself that it’s empty. He can't imagine test-antibiotic.com how much it hurt me when he gave me hope, but took it away almost immediately. At the age of 15, I had a short relationship with a guy at the dacha, he left me because he wanted a closer relationship, but I didn’t, but I don’t have the same feelings for him, I don’t have the desire to meet him, hug him.

I am tormented by this incomprehensible attachment to my friend, this desire to touch him, to look into his eyes. But I love my boyfriend! How is this possible? Can love be different? Perhaps it's all about our choices? I chose to be happy and not suffer from unhappy love, but it still happens to me, and that’s why I’m writing here. I also thought that this was happening because he abandoned me, and I couldn’t come to terms with it and was subconsciously trying to make him fall in love with me. But something is wrong here, because it gives me joy just to look at him.

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