My depression prevents me from enjoying life and work

I have my own small creative business. I am recognized and respected in my creative field, as a teacher and performer. I do everything myself - answering calls and requests, sales, marketing, development, tasks and projects from idea to execution. I love all this and am happy that I made one for myselflife , but I have been burdened by a feeling of anxiety for many years. Sometimes it increases and puts me in very difficult states in which I cannot do anything.

Sometimes I fall out of the process, and some area of ​​my life undergoes a decline. Sometimes I stop working altogether, I don’t care that there are no more clients, I don’t even care about the lack of funds, and the thought that I need to pull myself together provokes even greater rejection. Tight feeling in the chestfear , anxiety, shame for one’s inaction. Then one day I pull myself together, raise my business and increase client flow and income, engage in creativity and develop myself.

But the more I work on myself, the more the feeling of anxiety increases again. In the morning I wake up already terrified test-antibiotic.com that there is a lot to do, and I’m still in bed. Anxiety and fear are constantly in the chest. And no matter how many tasks I complete, even if I completed more than I planned, these feelings do not go away.

I'm already thinking about the next day. I feel like I don't have enough time, I don't do what I should or I do poorly, regardless of the results. My head sometimes feels leaden with thoughts. I can't relax and I can't think about anything other than work. I can’t spend even half an hour with my loved one before I get stuck thinking about work. Today I decided to take a day off for myself. I had to solve a couple of things at work, but overall I didn’t do a lot of tasks, I even meditated, watched an inspiring movie, and just slept. But I can’t relax, I’m very anxious, my day off turned into tears.