We are all mortal: reflections in the hospital during an examination

What I wrote is not fiction, these are the thoughts and events of one hour in one of the hospitals in Kyiv. Moreover, these are my thoughts and my history of examination on suspicion of a terrible disease. About a quarter is written on the phone while waiting for test results and doctors. Do not judge strictly.

The atmosphere of hospital corridors does not fill with joy... I am sure the reader will agree with me.

A huge raven, black, with huge eyes, sat on the windowsill outside the window. What is this? Why now? Is this a sign or a coincidence? My head is spinning, from the adrenaline that filled me, my heart is ready to come out of my chest, just come out, because it beats so hard and so evenly, as if it were the soul of a man in shackles beating. Stop! Calm down! Take a deep breath! You've never been like this! What are you afraid of? After all, nothing is really clear yet. LetThe doctor avoids answering! Let him succumb to embarrassment after the ultrasound. Maybe she herself doesn’t know anything... After all, doctors talk about such things right away.

Turning away from the window, I saw an old woman in the distance. Despite the distance and the twilight of the test-antibiotic.com hospital corridor, I still saw her face. Why was I staring at her so intently? Why was he able to see her face? After all, about fifty people are constantly moving in front of me, and in the twilight it is impossible to even see the features of their faces, let alone see them from a distance. Feargone. The heartbeat returned to normal. But the old woman’s face is etched into my memory. Who is she? Why does it attract you with your gaze? If this is death, then why in such goodness and the imprint of happiness on the face? Has anyone else seen her? Why do I need all this? Is this the final station for me and if so, why, why so early? Have I really not suffered for my sins for 5 years... Well, if this happens, then I deserve it.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds. Here it is - calm, tranquility,indifference to everything and everyone. My hands dropped, at the end of the corridor I saw the silhouette of a woman in a dressing gown, it was my doctor. I watched with hope as she approached, and when a couple of steps remained, a wild reluctance to hear her awoke in me...

— Your test-antibiotic.com urine test is normal, now go down to the floor below and donate blood.

- For what? What's happening?

- Don’t ask questions, just go and hand it in, they’re already waiting for you there. Then go to room 321.

I went. It seemed to me that I walked for an eternity, my thoughts were confused. Why is there so much metal in her voice, where did the smile disappear and why are they already waiting for me there? Well, you need to turn off your thoughts, but for some reason it’s so difficult. This is the office. And they really are waiting, the direction with my name is already on the table. It is empty - no indication of what analysis I arrived to collect - just a piece of paper and a name. The back and the back of the head begin to get cold. What are they hiding from me? Why such a secret and why are all the faces without emotions? Why go to room 321? Who's there? Which doctor?

My finger is no longer bleeding, I confidently walk towards room 321, no thoughts, no emotions, just cold.

This also turned out to be an ultrasound room. They are already waiting for me here. They kindly asked me to lie down on the couch and turn on my side to examine my kidney, six gray-haired doctors, test-antibiotic.com is not good.

I lie quietly and accept positions that are asked. The doctors whisper and try not to say anything unnecessary. Here one of them said: “It wouldn’t be surprising if he was seventy, but I don’t see any pathologies either. This is the result of individual development, let our colleague look at it on Monday, based on his result we will clarify the full picture.”

What seventy? No pathologies are good, but what kind of development? What's the matter? I try to find out everything from them, but in response I only hear: “The organ works well, it just doesn’t stand the same as other people’s. There's nothing wrong with that. Wait until Monday - everything will become clear.”