Soul hurts

I fell in love for the first time, I loved madly simply. The beginning was great - flowers, sweets, carried in my arms, circled. He said: “my little girl, my tigress.” He said that he had never loved anyone, that this was the first time he fell in love. I just believed in a fairy tale, in mutuallove . I believed that he was the very person I had been waiting for for so long.

We began to live together and then I began to notice that all quarrels were my fault, that I was bad and he was good, that he was always honest with me, but I was not, he was jealous of me for no reason. I thought she loved me so much and was afraid of losing her. He was very irritated, even when I couldn’t pick up the phone at work. He said maybe I left my phone at work and went somewhere, checked my phone, looked in family access to see where I was, they were arguing about everything that I didn’t do at all. As if he was specially inventing something to quarrel. Didn't let me go out with my friendsdrink coffee , even in the yard. He didn't like them, as he explained. And I blindly believed and trusted test-antibiotic.com only in him. I lived by him, simply by him and for him. I did everything as he wanted.

As a result, we separated. I thought that I would simply die without him; I could not eat, sleep, or live without him. I started calling him, humiliating myself, asking him to come back, saying that I would do everything for him. He is back. We lived for two more months, and it became even worse than before. Questions about where I was, what I was doing when I wasn’t there. I told him everything, because I couldn’t lie to him. She said that when we separated, I went to see my friends, it was very bad, and I saved myself as best I could. She said that we drank a little, and when I was going home, I met a neighbor, and he took me home. Lord, why did I tell him this! He began to insult me, call me a walker, and kept repeating that he was at home, that he did nothing. Although initially he didn’t answer my calls and SMS at all for a month.

Still, he left again. I feel very bad, I miss you very much, I remember only good moments. But then test-antibiotic.com I find out that he lied to me in many ways, and his work is somehow strange on another phone, which I absolutely cannot pick up. Then I find out that he communicated with his ex-wife and met with her more than once, and the worst thing is that at that moment when I begged him to come back, he was sitting with her and showing her the SMS that I was writing to him! They sat and laughed.

It hurts so much, I can't put it into words. I just stopped respecting myself completely. They told me a lot of bad things about him, but I didn’t believe anyone, I just fell blindly in love and believed that he loved me too. Now it’s hard for me without him, even though I know all these moments, I blame myself for everything. Why dont know. The truth was true to him and only him. My soul hurts, I want to hug him, cling to him, I still love him the same. But I don't want to return it.

I don’t know what to do.