Girlfriend or a devil on the left shoulder?

My life story will probably be familiar to every second teenage girl. Who didn't have it in childhood and adolescence?a friend who was at least a little annoying, or irritating in some way? Or is she not a friend anymore?

Lately I've been walking around not myself, and although I notice this state of mind quite often, the peak of "remorse" has probably come right now. I just want to talk to someone, but there's simply no one.

I have onefriend , my closest one, she is 2 years older than me. We are from slightly different social classes. She does not deny herself anything, I would even say, does not know the value of money. Mythe family is not poor either, but we are more average. My parents do not refuse me and my brother anything, and do everything for our good (I am infinitely grateful to them for this, I love and appreciate them with all my soul and heart).

I am simply lost in this world. I study at the university, but I do not like the specialty, and I simply do not know what I want. I communicate with a person whom sometimes I do not want to know test-antibiotic.com. Yes, yes, this person is my friend. Sometimes it seems to me that she is like a devil who sits on my left shoulder and often provokes me to do things for which my conscience then terribly torments me. She very often oppresses me, she can just yell. I had already gotten used to it, basically, that's her character, but when it came to the point that my friend dared to accuse my mother of being careless towards me (in fact, this is far from true, my parents do everything for my brother and me), everything in my world, in my attitude towards her, turned upside down. She said it in the heat of the moment, and of course, then apologized, said that she didn't want to lose me. I said that I forgave her, but something inside me sits and doesn't let me let go of my anger. The next day she again began to find fault, and accuse me of various little things.

I am writing now, and my conscience is gnawing at me for speaking about her like that. She can help in difficult times, but these constant reproaches, constant accusations that I have a different philosophy of life, that I believe in fairy tales that do not exist, the constant undermining of faith in myself, are annoying. I love her as a friend, but I am not sure that I want to communicate with her in the future. It is wrong, I think, but I cannot let go of my anger at her. Family is the most important and valuable thing for me, and she often hurts me with her statements.

A very confused state, the text turned out to be chaotic. I hoped that writing this would make me feel better, but no. Maybe I just need to look for the reason in myself, and not in someone else?

I understand that the story is described rather superficially, but maybe someone can give advice on how to understand myself?