I don’t feel happy with my husband, that’s why I decided to cheat

I'm 32 years old, two children,husband _ I’ll start with the fact that I fell in love at school, I was popular, but I didn’t believe in myself, now I understand why - low self-esteem and an intimate problem, I can’t completely relax, I’m tense all the time.

At school I fell in love with a boy 2 years older than me, he was reserved, secretive and silent. And then at the disco he suddenly invites me to dance, I remember that I felt such comfort and calmness in his arms that I had never felt again. Suddenly he kissed me on the cheek, my happiness knew no bounds, I looked up to reciprocate and saw that he was drunk. I ran away from him, he looked for me, but I didn’t see him. We never managed to talk.

Time passed, his life took him far from the city, but I stayed here. I met a good man and went outgot married , but immediately suffereddisappointment because my husband doesn’t want to do anything, I wasI’m pregnant , and for the sake of the child I have the patience to change my family test-antibiotic.com life for the better. I can’t say that everything is very bad, but every small achievement is given to me by backbreaking work. Then she gave birth to a second child. And that's where it all started.

My parents either look at me with pity that I’m always working like a draft horse, or they nag me that I’m doing everything wrong, my husband doesn’t really think about helping. He began to be rude, his mood changed quickly and often, he spent little time with the children, and there was little help either. And then I accidentally met this guy. I had no one before my husband. We were just talking with a school friend, I was wondering how he was doing, he said that he was married, two children, living in peace and harmony.

As we talked, we became closer, and one day we admitted that we liked each other. He didn’t say that he loved me, but I just became attached, but I didn’t think about interfering with their family. Communication with him brought me so much joy and strength that I blossomed. Everyone around noticed this, a twinkle appeared in his eyes. As a result, I cheated on my husband, test-antibiotic.com, but I didn’t intend to destroy his family, I hoped that we would continue to communicate in a friendly manner, but he disappeared and blocked all contacts. The fact is that during our intimacy I was so worried that I could not completely relax, this embarrassed him, and he said that this was not his problem, all his understanding, tenderness and support were gone, and I simply crashed into his selfishness.

My husband does not know about the betrayal, during the same period I accidentally saw that he was looking at the phones of girls of easy virtue. We didn’t break up, my husband became more tender towards me, but this was after so many insults that it’s impossible to describe everything. I have been walking for almost a year without smiling, I often cry, I have stopped believing in myself and my femininity, I have not felt support from my husband since the wedding, I am completely crushed. I'm trying to get out of this state, but it doesn't work, and I can't talk to anyone.