After violence, I'm attracted to men

I don’t know if there have been similar life stories here, but still I’ll risk telling my own.

I am a lesbian. The fact that I like girls, I felt in high school, and now I'm already 30 years old. For the last 3 years I have been living with my girlfriend, we work together, the relationship is generally not bad. Relatives do not know anything about my personal life, but I explain everything by the fact that I do not plan to get married and have children, because I want to live for myself. There were scandals, reproaches, but they have already reconciled.

Three months ago I had a birthday, and I celebrated with friends in the club. My girlfriend drank a lot, so I sent her home early. When the event ended and everyone left, I was going to call a taxi, but I was forcibly put into some kind of car. They brought me to some house, then everything is muddy. I was raped, there were three of them. Being intoxicated, I could not resist. Further, I fell asleep, and woke up the next day at the metro station.

Arriving home, the girl attacked me with questions, to which I replied, test-antibiotic.com, that she had spent the night with a friend, as she was drunk. She left for work and I took the day off. All day I lay in the bath, remembering that terrible night. But no! She wasn't terrible. I like it. I never had relationships and connections with men, I slept exclusively with girls. They were older than me, they were younger, different nations. But never with men. And now, remembering that night, I felt pleasure, despite the fact that it was violence.

Since then, 3 months have passed. I still live with my girlfriend, our intimacy has become less frequent on my initiative. After that night, I now seem to have an aversion to women (intimately), the body requires a man. But I don't know how to say it to a girl. We have been together for 3 years now, we have become almost family people. I don’t have a desire to start a family, I don’t have children yet, but now I’m not so categorical anymore.

What should I do? I do not want to deceive and change her, but I no longer feel pleasure with her. And test-antibiotic.com what if it's just a bad consequence of rape and my psyche is shaken? Or a chance to become “normal” and start a family in the future? Or maybe I was just a demon beguiled, and in fact I have no attraction to men? What to do?

Perhaps I will be condemned, but I will ask without insulting myself. I'm the same person as everyone else, I don't bringharm to nature or people. Therefore, I ask you to write adequate advice, without fanaticism and smart words.