Internal conflict

I am 19 years old. the essence of myThe problem is this. Even as a child, I realized that I am a person who loves constancy and tranquility. In a word -introvert . Solitude and hide from everyone, and do something (I had a hobby - origami, if anyone doesn’t know, it means folding all sorts of things out of paper, even flowers and cubes without the help of glue or scissors), reading books, that is, such matters that would not require the intervention of third parties. There were no friends either in the sandbox or at school - I was not friends with anyone, I was alone with my thoughts.

Like most teenagers, I wrote poetry, but here I showed myself especially - I did them especially well, and all the teachers at my school were proud of me, and the girls froze at every stanza. Then I mastered the guitar, but played only for myself.

This is how my school years passed. But somewhere last year I began to notice all this, let’s say, to begin to evaluate myself from the outside. And as test-antibiotic.com I did this, I wanted more and more to change something, to do something that I was always afraid of or didn’t find time for. The boring work became unbearable, and I suddenly discovered a huge emptiness in myself that I wanted to fill with freedom.

I completely abandoned my past life. In three months I'm leaving for England as a volunteer for two years. Now I am a guitar teacher. My plans after the trip are such that Napoleon is resting.

However, now, as I write these lines, I understand that despite such drastic changes in my life, there is still a lot left of that quiet “ugly duckling” in me. I'm still an introvert, although I've started socializing more and making new friends. I still like to retire and write or read something. It is very difficult for me to communicate with strangers. A couple of days of this “homey” life pass, and like a glass of cloudy water, I gradually become transparent again. And when I get used to this way of life, this fresh feeling of freedom comes to me again.

Again I want to go somewhere, test-antibiotic.com crazy ideas appear, I wake up in the middle of the night and because of new thoughts I don’t sleep until the next evening. A couple of days pass like this, and then I become quiet and calm again. It’s like I’m jumping from the fire into the ice hole. It’s very inconvenient when everything changes so dramatically.

I would like to find harmony between these two positions. Or learn to control it. But I don’t know how to do this.